On Leaving America - Part 19

A Cat's Eye View

My human keeps bitching about how hard it is to move. Give me a break! Let me tell you what happened to me yesterday. I got kidnapped! Stuck in a cage so small I could barely turn around with just two barred windows to look out of. Then I got schlepped into the back of a station wagon. They won’t even let me out of the house, now this stupid car ride.

I confess I get fairly good food, a few toys now and then, and a decent place to live. But I’ve also been castrated. So don’t expect me to be some kind of dog-like thankful.  I’d trade it all to get my balls back!  I’ve digressed. Where was I?

            Oh yeah, yesterday: Next thing I know I’m taken from the car and dumped out in some quack doctor's office that smelled like dogs. 

I hardly had time to check the place out when this bitch in a white coat comes in and sticks a thermometer up my ass. Can you believe it?! Then more probing and feeling around—by this total stranger! Rape! And this is just the beginning. Another white coat comes in. Nurse, my human calls her. She swabs some kind of Novocain juice on the skin behind my neck. 

            “He needs a rabies shot,” she tells my human. Right! I’ve never once been let out of the house and now I need a rabies shot. I get stabbed and jabbed and it’s still not over. In order to move to Sweden I have to get some kind of international identification chip inserted under my skin. I already had a chip! Now I have two. If I get one more they’ll be able to use me as a laptop, or a cattop or some other kind of cybernetic organism. I can see them selling us on TV . . . cute furry computers. If I had claws I would have scratched hell out of her but my human keeps trimming them so they are not that sharp. All I could do was growl and hiss which did no good.

            “Nice kitty,” nursey said. "Oh, you are so cute!"

             Right. I’ve heard that song before! After the chip went in they decided to stop torturing me and I was stuffed back into the cage — then another car ride. Fifteen minutes a later I was home again, thank God! Well, that’s how it is. I just wanted to show you a view from another angle. Next is a thirty hour plane ride coming up. They’ll probably drug me and my sister, Amber. I could tell you more about Amber but you’d probably be bored. It was a lousy day, and now my human wants to comb me. I might let her . . . or not.   You probably think it’s easy being a cat. Well I’m here to tell you it’s not easy!
            I need a frigging nap!